Right after Christmas my father past away in a car accident. We had him cremated and he’s been with my mom in an urn ever since. Soon we will be putting him in his final resting place at his family’s cemetery. A part of me is not ready to see this happen. It’s time. I know this.
I don’t think I’ve dealt with his loss very well, and I feel like he’d be unhappy with me avoiding the situation. I still pretend he’s at his Florida house, and all I have to do is pick up the phone to hear his voice.
My screen saver has pictures of him, which makes me happy to see him. However, they caused my mother to burst into tears when she saw them. She asked how I could stand them. I told her that every time I see him, it is like he is still here with me.
I’m not looking forward to burying my father. The more I think about it, the less I am able to write either. I know I’m depressed, but I didn’t bother telling my psychiatrist that. It’s situational, so I didn’t want to change my meds, but I can’t concentrate well either.
My main character isn’t dynamic enough, so I’ve been told. Makes me want to just chuck it and start all over again. 30,000+ words in, and I want to start over? I need to just remind me it’s the depression and keep going.
Should I keep going? I wonder if I’m being too hard on myself because that can be fixed later, or will I be wasting my time?