Here’s to… “What’s Next”

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I wish that for everyone reading this, but it’s hard for me to maintain a happy disposition. In a few days, the one year anniversary of my dad’s death arrives. He died in a car accident that also put my mother in the hospital for months. I’m forever afraid of turning left at any intersection. My driving has suffered, but so has my life since Dad is no longer here.

I was hoping to get my copy editing business up and running this year, but starting any new career is obviously a challenge.

I’ve been writing, but not fast enough. I enjoy it though when I do.

I’ve been on the hunt for a new job, but that isn’t going well.

My family creates new dramas for us to deal with all the time. I just wish I could not have to deal with it all.

Here’s to hoping 2019 is better than 2017 and 2018!

I hope to finish the first draft of my novel.

I hope to find a steady job that I love.

Here’s to finding new friends and enjoying time with the ones I have.

Here’s to my love, who I hope stays healthy and kind.




Keep Going…?

Right after Christmas my father past away in a car accident. We had him cremated and he’s been with my mom in an urn ever since. Soon we will be putting him in his final resting place at his family’s cemetery. A part of me is not ready to see this happen. It’s time. I know this.

Nemo don't forgetI don’t think I’ve dealt with his loss very well, and I feel like he’d be unhappy with me avoiding the situation. I still pretend he’s at his Florida house, and all I have to do is pick up the phone to hear his voice.

My screen saver has pictures of him, which makes me happy to see him. However, they caused my mother to burst into tears when she saw them. She asked how I could stand them. I told her that every time I see him, it is like he is still here with me.

don't know what to do

I’m not looking forward to burying my father. The more I think about it, the less I am able to write either. I know I’m depressed, but I didn’t bother telling my psychiatrist that. It’s situational, so I didn’t want to change my meds, but I can’t concentrate well either.

My main character isn’t dynamic enough, so I’ve been told. Makes me want to just chuck it and start all over again. 30,000+ words in, and I want to start over?  I need to just remind me it’s the depression and keep going.

robin hood you worry too muchShould I keep going? I wonder if I’m being too hard on myself because that can be fixed later, or will I be wasting my time?